my shit smells like andre
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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