Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
We smell like vodka and hangover
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