watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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