I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
well you can't waste a boner
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize