never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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