that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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