Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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