break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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