It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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