My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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