Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
