You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
