so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
