How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize