dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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