due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
