She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
