Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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