I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
