im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize