We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
