Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
