Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
