I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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