I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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