I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Im part way to drunk.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
