I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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