I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
