kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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