Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
