When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
