I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
