Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
God I need to hump something, right now.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
