He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
