Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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