Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Randomize
