i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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