Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
im six kinds of drunk right now
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
