hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
