Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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