I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
