If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
