The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i love accidental penises.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
