Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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