I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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