But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
