It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize