i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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