I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
