don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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