did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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