So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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