just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So vagazzling was a success
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