I accidentally burped into my bong.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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