My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
