her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
