Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
