Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize