i already hear my dad disowning me
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
