It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
