Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
