so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
