Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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