I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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