God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Randomize
