Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
