i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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