She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
