i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize