You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
