im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I fill condoms, not promises.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
