had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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