I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
