I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
