Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
