im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
