Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
