im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
