Well douche your snatch and let's go!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
